What's New: Computers and New York

After about 2309432409348 days of not having a computer (just picture that for a second- it's horrific), my faithful Mac has been returned to me and now I'm returning to you gays guys.

In other news, I've since moved to New York and am now a living breathing Brooklynite.  I'm working on blogging every day/adding some interesting thing about my life here but trying not to be completely self-involved.  Soooo, to be continued but I will leave you with this.

What's New: Me

At the risk of being annoyingly self-indulgent, I will briefly explain why I've been MIA.


1. I'm sickly and will randomly get flu and almost die.

2. There's been a lot of good tv I've had to prepare for by watching all previous episodes.

3. I've been busy in the general sense.

4. I've also been trying to see movies to make me smarter and less boring.

5. I've been finishing up my application to FIT so I can do something with my life.


That's it.  But it's taken the Golden Globes to get me back into the blogging spirit and now here I am, ready to blog.  So let's talk GLOBES.

What's New: Adam Levine Is Sexy?, Mr. and Mrs. Seth Cohen, Etc.

Basically the only exciting things happening lately are celebrities getting engaged and making wine and being sexy.  So let's dive in.

Adam Levine Is The Sexiest Man Alive- No he's not. Instead here are some suggestions: Matt Damon, David Beckham, Benedict Cumberbatch, Alexander Skarsgard, Prince Harry, Rupert Friend, Andrew Garfield, Eddie Redmayne, Matt Bomer, or basically any ginger.  Or Liam Neeson.  NEXT.

Leighton Meester and Adam Brody Are Engaged- Obviously I have mixed feelings because when I was a child The OC was my favorite TV show and then Adam Brody dated Rachel Bilson both on the show and real life and I thought everything was going to be good forever and it wasn't.  But this is cute.  Congrats!

Miley Cyrus' Eyebrows- What the hell, Miley? I try to defend you and then you go and bleach your eyebrows so you look like some baby animal I can't name off the top of my head.  Please stop.

Brangelina Rules the World- For reasons unknown Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie decided to build a 1200 acre vineyard at their Provence home and then they made a wine and then that wine became "The Best Rosé In the World".  Because that's who they are.

JLaw Loses It- Jennifer Lawrence freaked out while trying to deal with photographers on the Red Carpet of the Catching Fire premiere in NY.

What's New: Housewives, Seflies, Taylor Swift Makes Me Laugh, And More

So I've been incredibly ill with both flu and strep for like months now and that's why I haven't written anything and I'm the worst and I'm sorry.  But I'm pretty much back to being my normal happy, healthy, and chipper self.  So let's talk about what's happened since I've been gone.



Real Housewives of Beverly Hills- It's back. So is Vanderpump rules.  Which is basically the Jersey Shore but in LA and with hotter people.  RHOBH is amazing and I love it and it's my second favorite Housewives behind New York, which isn't even good anymore.  So maybe it is my favorite.  Plus Taylor Armstrong is gone which is good news and they have two new housewives, one I love and one I hate.  And that's basically all I could ever ask for.

Selfies- Tragically, the Oxford Dictionary has decided that this is the new word of 2013.  Twerking was a runner up, so it could be worse.  If you don't know what a selfie is, you're embarrassing.  Go away.

Taylor Swift- She says she doesn't write songs about every guy she dates.  Which means that she's either lying or a way bigger skank than I thought.  Either way I feel happy.  Read the article here.

The Notebook, Part 2- Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are allegedly back together.  This is amazing news for women 12-92 who have seen The Notebook and want this to be real life.  As an adult woman, I am obviously super on board for this because they are the two cutest people maybe ever.  

It's A Terrible Life- One of the greatest movies ever, "It's a Wonderful Life" is rumored to be getting a sequel.  This is the most depressed I've been since I found out Miley Cyrus wore this.

JLaw- Jennifer Lawrence has weird hair which is stupid but she looks hot which is badass.

Footnote:
A bunch of other stuff has happened but this is literally all I care about in life so let's just move on.

What's New: 50 Shades of Nobody's Heard of You, Kimye is Getting Married, etc.

Sorry guys, I've taken a (very) long weekend but I'm back now so let's talk.

50 Shades- Jamie Dornan(???????) is the new Christian Grey.  I have no idea who that is so I looked into him and this is what I now know:

       He's hot.

       He's foreign.  He's from Northern Ireland, I believe.

       He's a former CK model.  This is everything you need to know about that.

       He's married to Colin Farrell's ex wife.  Rude.

       Apparently other people know who he is because he's on that show on ABC with            the chick from House.  I would never watch that because it looks stupid.

Kimye- He proposed to her.  That's all I know about because I don't care.  You can read about it (or watch it?) here.

DJ Pauly D- He has a daughter.  Probably from having skanky unprotected club sex.  But he's excited about it and he's not so bad compared to everyone else on that show so good job.  Mazel!

Jessica Brody- Morena Baccarin, wife of a terrorist and terrible mother on Homeland, had a baby boy!   I actually super like her because she's gorgeous was on Firefly back in the day which was amazing even though it didn't last (Sorry, Joss!) but she kind of got stuck with a not great role on Homeland.  ANYWAY, she had a baby boy named Julius.  Very cute.  Congrats!

Boston Rules- Boston slaughtered the St. Louis Cardinals 8-1 in Game 1 of the World Series.

What's New: Tina & Amy Rule the World, Gwyneth is Cranky From Not Eating, etc.

Liz Lemon and Leslie Knope: 
I am completely in love with both Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.  I am not a huge SNL fan.  I know that's super unpopular to say, but I just can't.  I'm sorry.  I've tried.  But I do love 30 Rock more than anything on Earth and Parks & Rec is a close second.
Anywayyyy great news!  Tina and Amy have officially signed on to host not only the 2014 Golden Globes, but 2015's as well.  This is AMAZING.

Gwyneth: 

Gwyneth is crazy.  I love her and I think she's amazing but she's bonkers.  Anyway, a little while ago, Vanity Fair was writing an article about her and she didn't like it and got pissed and e-mailed all of her famous friends telling them to not talk about her to reporters and never do VF again.  Lovely.  Well NOW, VF Editor-in-Chief is FOR SURE running a "take down piece", exposing the real Gwyneth.  After she threw a fit he was even more set on running it which is funny.  I personally cannot wait.  Good luck, Goop Queen!

Leo Has A New GF?: 

Last time I checked he was dating Toni Garnn when the two were spotted together at the US Open in September but I guess not.  Now Leonardo DiCaprio is supposedly dating 24-year old nobody model Kat Torres.  Well, according to her.  She says they met when they stayed at the same house at the Cannes film festival.  She told a Brazilian reporter they have a 'secrecy pact' and she can't talk about their relationship.  Not a great sign for her.  Leo's people are saying that it's all made up and they're not dating.  Awesome.  

Leo, crawl on your hands and knees to Bar and do everything you can to win her back.

Are you kidding me?

What's New: Kate + Topshop. Again.

This is amazing.  I cannot stress enough:

1. How much I love Kate Moss
2. What a HUGE success this was last time
3. How iconic this will be

Sooooo in 2007, my favorite drug-addicted model Kate Moss teamed up with Topshop, which is like a British department store but way better, and created pieces that were just basically Kate Moss' clothes (ponchos, capes, fringe, etc) but you didn't have to be Kate Moss to wear them.  Her boho-chic style is unique enough that this wasn't boring at all but in fact a huge success.  Her final collection was launched in fall 2010 and everyone was sad and it was all terrible.

ANYWAY the word on the runway is that she will be once again teaming up with Topshop to release another collection set for Spring 2014 and she's supposedly hard at work already.  Needless to say, everyone is pretty amped.

What's New: Kardashians, Miley, etc.

The Kris/Bruce Split: no surprise to any American who has ever seen an US Weekly while standing in line at the grocery store.  I think Kris is a terrible person, so good job Bruce. Hang in there, buddy.

Miley's Rolling Stone Cover: Everyone chill out.  The VMAs were the fault of Robin Thicke's perpetuating rape culture not her dancing around.  It's okay, everyone.  She's 20.  Have you ever been to a club and seen how 20 year olds dance?  If you didn't catch the article read it here.  She's a 20 year old kid.  Leave her alone.  And she's hot.

Breaking Bad Finale: Haven't watched the second half of the 5th season because I got too sad.  But I plan to resume and finish it any day now. Plus Aaron Paul is the cutest person everrrrr.

American Apparel:  American Apparel is in trouble. Again.  After much controversy over the CEO being a skeez, them allegedly being racist as well as discriminating by hiring and firing employees based on hotness, its constantly-banned ads, almost going bankrupt, etc, they're in trouble again.  Now for just $32 you can buy a t-shirt with a menstruating vagina on it.  So if that's not your thing I'm warning you now.  You can read an interview with the artist Petra Collins here if that interests you.

Obviously loads of other things happened but these are the most pressing.  You have the internet, look up your own news.

What's New

Obviously everything has changed since the last time we saw each other but let's catch up really quick.  As a terrible show on CBS recapped recently:


"Anything new, let's see, well -- Facebook went public and Edward Snowden went private. Kim and Kanye had a baby, so now there's another Kardashian to not keep up with. Paula Deen is out, gay marriage is in and a teacher in California is out for letting her students get it in. Justin Bieber got a hit and run, Chris Brown got a hit and run, Rihanna got hit and still didn't run. Oprah gave Lindsay two million dollars, cunnilingus gave Michael Douglas throat cancer and Michael Douglas gave guys everywhere another excuse not to do that. Egypt went crazy, Amanda Bynes went crazier and the NSA checks our phones like a crazy ex-girlfriend. Oh, and Texas hates women, Florida hates blacks and everybody hates everything, with the exception of Angelina Jolie, who is totally awesome."