What's New: More Kardashians, 50 Shades of Who Cares, etc.

The Kardashian Klan (Yes I know, calm down): Obviously because Kris Jenner is nothing but a money-grubbing succubus, she has announced that she will show EVERY SECOND of the disintegration of her marriage.  This is totally expected, given that they showed Kim's wedding, Kourtney yanking a baby of herself, Khloe home waxing her Britney, etc.  Whatever.

Charlie Hunnam: So the super hot guy from Sons of Anarchy. which I've never seen and don't care about, was supposed to be Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey and now he's not.  Apparently that Sons of Anarchy show is a big deal so he doesn't have time for stupid movies for desperate and horny middle-aged housewives.  Cool.  Hopefully they cast someone awesome, for example, ANYONE but Ian Somerhalder. 
Side note: The chick that is supposed to play Anastasia Steele is named Dakota Johnson.  She was on a show called Ben and Kate but it got cancelled because it was bad.  Anyway, one day I was looking up her age because she looks 37 on a good day.  She just turned 24.  I'm sure she's lovely but while they're at it, they should probably re-cast the role of Anastasia as well.

Laguna Beach's LC: Lauren Conrad is engaged.  Hopefully this relationship is more successful than the other 18 that I witnessed on tv when I was a kid.

Michael Douglas Is Gross and Weird: It turns out Michael Douglas has tongue cancer instead of throat cancer.  I don't know or care what that means but I feel like lying about the kind of cancer you have is a very strange thing to do.  So anyway if they operate he could lose part of his jaw and tongue.  Gnarly.  It's good that Catherine got out before all of this because it sounds really gross.

Taylor Swift Gives Me More Reasons to Hate Her: So Taylor Swift is on the cover of the November issue of InStyle.  She looks cute.  Whatever.  Anyway, APPARENTLY, the reporter asked her if she'd ever been in love or how many times she'd been in love or something and Taylor Swift said:

“I’d like to think that if you’re with the right person, you feel great about things you’ve never felt great about before. At least that’s how I’ve heard it’s supposed to be. I wouldn’t know.”

This is amazing.  After writing approximately 938726 songs about being in love and having her heart broken, Taylor Swift basically admits she knows nothing about anything.  Which is pretty gratifying for me.

Side note: Taylor also says in this article that she has a ton in common with Lena Dunham.  Ummmm, no.  Because Lena Dunham is talented and smart and Judd Apatow likes her.  The only people that like you are 14-year old girls with self-esteem issues.

Stolen from Perez Hilton



What's New: Kardashians, Miley, etc.

The Kris/Bruce Split: no surprise to any American who has ever seen an US Weekly while standing in line at the grocery store.  I think Kris is a terrible person, so good job Bruce. Hang in there, buddy.

Miley's Rolling Stone Cover: Everyone chill out.  The VMAs were the fault of Robin Thicke's perpetuating rape culture not her dancing around.  It's okay, everyone.  She's 20.  Have you ever been to a club and seen how 20 year olds dance?  If you didn't catch the article read it here.  She's a 20 year old kid.  Leave her alone.  And she's hot.

Breaking Bad Finale: Haven't watched the second half of the 5th season because I got too sad.  But I plan to resume and finish it any day now. Plus Aaron Paul is the cutest person everrrrr.

American Apparel:  American Apparel is in trouble. Again.  After much controversy over the CEO being a skeez, them allegedly being racist as well as discriminating by hiring and firing employees based on hotness, its constantly-banned ads, almost going bankrupt, etc, they're in trouble again.  Now for just $32 you can buy a t-shirt with a menstruating vagina on it.  So if that's not your thing I'm warning you now.  You can read an interview with the artist Petra Collins here if that interests you.

Obviously loads of other things happened but these are the most pressing.  You have the internet, look up your own news.