First, let me say that I don't really care about the movies and what they won. I haven't actually seen 12 Years A Slave but I trust it was great. Also, congrats Matt and Jared, you guys are awesome. Cate, you are my once and future hero. Lupita, you are quickly becoming on of my favorite people. Good job everybody.
Okay let's talk dresses.
Anne Hathaway in Gucci
No. If you're going to lose a bunch of weight, dress so it looks like you've lost a bunch of weight. What's with the broken mirror look? No.
Cate Blanchett in Aarmani Privé
I love Cate so much but she's killing me this year. Everyone loves this dress and I can't stand it. And I love the nude look and everything but her skin is so fair that she would look better in something with more contrast. Plus what's on it? Not into it.
Angelina Jolie in Elie Saab
I love Angelina. Everyone does. And normally she looks incredible. And normally she wears black and it's kind of predictable but she's so hot no one says anything because she always looks good. But this year she's mixing it up and wearing whatever this is. Long sleeve with an elastic waistband? Is that what's happening here? Hate it.
Amy Adams in Gucci
She looks okay but she bores me. We get it, you like purple. Try something new.
Emma Watson in Vera Wang
Dude you're young and hot. This skirt and top combo (who does that?) is a SNOOZE.
Anna Kendrick in J. Mendel
Anna Kendrick poses an issue for me because I adore her. I think she's so cute and an underrated actress, but she cannot dress to save her life. It's ridiculous. She is so horrible at putting clothes on her body and looking good. Better luck next time.
Kristen Chenoweth in Roberto Cavalli
Who the hell in Kristen Chenoweth and why is she famous and why is she wearing this? It's a little Cleopatra-esque which is cool but it looks like she matched her awful hair to her dress and that's not cute.
Viola Davis by Escada
Nope.
Julia Roberts by Givenchy
I want to like it. I do. I love Julia Roberts (who doesn't?) and although I'm the only one, I loved August: Osage County. I really, really wanted her to look good. But I think it's the weird lace neckline and the fact that if you're going to do peplum, the bottom half of your dress has to complement it.
Kerry Washington by Jason Wu
I'm pretty upset with Kerry right now because I'm pretty sure she went into my room Saturday night and stole my sheet and wore it to the Oscars.
Naomi Watts in Calvin Klein
One thing I admire about Naomi Watts is that her dresses always match her personality. They are both fantastically boring. And sometimes she looks really good. But after a while it's like, come on. Congrats, Naomi Watts, on wearing the same dress you've worn for the last 10 years.
Jada Pinkett-Smith by Versace
She looks like a man. And I love that normally but like, it's the Oscars. If you have broad manly shoulders, don't wear a dress that's going to show it off when you're trying to be cute and feminine with your baby pink dress. And it's the f-cking Acadmy Awards, do your hair. You've been famous for a long time, you know how this works.
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