Top Priority: Oscars (Dress Success)

Now, because I've been pretty negative all day, let's talk about the good stuff.  The lovely dresses that made me smile and moved me to tears.


Jennifer Lawrence in Dior
Yeah, you look good.  Yeah, you're wearing the same dress you wear all the time.  Yeah, I'm over it.  Next.

Sandra Bullock in Alexander McQueen
Yep.  I love this.  She's so beautiful and this year she's kind of bummed me out with some of her choices but this is golden. 

Meryl Streep in Lanvin
You are a goddess.  Totally age appropriate but not boring.  Very chic as always.

Jennifer Garner in Oscar de la Renta
I don't care for her but she looks great.  The dress is kind of boring but I like it.  Very 1920s.

Julie Delpy by Jenny Packham
I just like her, you know? She just seems like a lovely person.  So I may not be evaluating this dress objectively but I like it.

Idina Menzel by Vera Wang
I love this.  It's simple yet elegant.  I like the color and the jewelry.  I know a lot of people are wearing basically this exact dress but there's something about this that's very understated and chic.  Love it.

Jessica Biel by Chanel
Another Oscars surprise was Jessica Biel's dress.  It's been so long since Jessica Biel has done anything that I'm pretty sure her first and last acting job was 7th Heaven, but she now works as Justin Timberlake's beard (which is probably a pretty good gig.)  But last night she surprised me and looked stunning.  It was probably the Chanel that did it.

Kristen Bell by Roberto Cavalli
Kristen Bell is so overrated in my book that it's almost too much for me to handle.  But this dress looks incredible.  Despite the fact that it looks like she's about to get married, she absolutely brought her A game.  Good job, Kristen Bell!

Penelope Cruz by Giambattista Valli Couture
Flawless.  Simple, chic, feminine, gorgeous.

And now, without further adieu, my top three favorite dresses from last night...

3. Kate Hudson in Versace
I never thought I would say this but Kate Hudson looks incredible.  As someone I not only find overrated and annoying but completely talentless, I want to hate her.  But she killed it.  Good job, Kate.

Charlize Theron in Dior
Not only is this one of the most gorgeous dresses at the Oscars, it's probably the sexiest.  And she's so talented.  And beautiful.  A+

Lupita Nyong'o in PradaIt wasn't long ago that no one had an idea who Lupita was.  Now no one will ever forget her.  Not only did she come out of nowhere and blow everyone away with her acting, she has mastered Red Carpet style in one season.  This is one of my favorite dresses of all time.  She looks absolutely gorgeous. 

Top Priority: Golden Globes (Wins and Losses)

First I'll talk about the awards themselves and then we'll talk about dresses.  OK let's do it.
OH one more thing: I won't be discussing things I don't care about like best song or whatever.

The Real Winners: Tina and Amy.  Obviously.  If you don't like them you know nothing about comedy and you're a sexist.  You're not a sexist, are you? Good.


Best Motion Picture- Drama: Twelve Years a Slave
Okay I suppose I can get behind this.  I truthfully didn't see the movie but I feel confident that something with Michael Fassbender beat something with a Hemsworth.

 

 

 

Best Actor- Drama: Matthew McConaughey in Dallas Buyers Club

I would like to take a minute to talk about Matthew.  Good for you, man.  You were once a complete joke in awful RomComs like How to Lose A Guy, Failure to Launch, The Wedding Planner, et al.  And now you're doing movies like Mud and Dallas Buyers Club (and Magic Mike apparently?).  You've really turned it around, bro.  I tip my hat to you, Matt.  Congrats

 

 

 

Best Actress- Drama: Cate Blanchett in Blue Jasmine

A couple things about this. One, this is probably the win I'm most happy about.  Cate Blanchett is, has always been, and will always be, a phenomenal actress and I love her.  Two, this movie is awesome and didn't get enough credit but her performance in it was just beautiful.  So I'm glad for her.  Good job Cate! I love you! Call me!

 

 

 

 

Best Motion Picture- Comedy or Musical: American Hustle

No.  I don't know how Inside Llewyn Davis is a comedy because it's terribly sad and funny for like 3 minutes total but it was amazing and it should have won.  Plus I'm really sick of Amy Adams and I hope she just goes away.  Soon.

 

 

 

 

Best Actor- Comedy or Musical: Leonardo DiCaprio in Wolf of Wall Street

Eh.  I didn't see this movie because I don't have a huge interest in naked women or drugs but I did read the book so I'm pretty cultured.  I think Leo is a little overrated but apparently he was amazing in Wolf so good for him.  Still probably would have gone with Oscar Isaac though.

 

No, Leo, cheers to you.

 

 

Best TV series- Comedy or Musical: Brooklyn Nine Nine

You're joking right? Modern Family is also overrated.  But Parks and Rec? Girls? And where was Mindy? This is a disaster

 

 

 

Best Director: Alfonso Cuaran's "Gravity"

Didn't see it because it looked dumb and I'm not sure how the movie was like two hours because I think I saw the whole thing in the 2 minute trailer but whatever. Mazel, Alfonso!

 

 

 

Best TV Actress- Comedy or Musical: Amy Poehler in Parks and Rec

WORD. Actually I think Parks has gone wayyyyy downhill but she never wins anything and she's adorable and smart and funny and I think she deserves a Golden Globe.  Especially if that means beating Zooey Deschanel, who I used to love but now hate due to overexposure and a wakeup call.  Also I am sorry that Lena didn't win but Girls has already been renewed for a fourth season so I'm not worried about her.  Good job Amy, I'm so proud of you!

 

 

 

Miniseries Nonsense: Who cares about Behind the Candelabra? I don't.  Sorry Matt, I still love you.

Foreign Movies: Ditto.  I love foreign movies but I haven't seen any of these so no comment.

 

 

Best TV Actor- Comedy or Musical: Andy Samberg in B99

No.  Jim Parsons, sure. Jason Bateman, okay.  Don Cheadle, even though I hate your show I think you're a lot better than Andy Samberg.

 

 

 

Best Screenplay: Spike Jonze in Her

Good job Spike.  Also I don't know who any of those other people are except Steve Coogan, whom I adore.  P.S. you are really hot.

 

 

 

Best Supporting Actor: Jared Leto in Dallas Buyers Club

I've had a soft spot for this little weirdo since Requiem for a Dream so good for him.  He was really good in DBC and he is surprisingly talented.  Sorry, Fassbender, I was rooting for you too.

 

 

 

Best TV Actress- Drama: Robin Wright in House of Cards





This is another super win for me personally because the only thing I love more than this show is her in it.  She plays the quiet but powerful, sexy, elusive, badass that is married to Kevin Spacey.  Also she's like 50something and absolutely gorgeous.  Oh, and I'm sick of Kerry Washington, so everyone calm down.

 

 

 

Best Actress- Comedy or Musical: Amy Adams

LOLOL. No, I don't think so.  Meryl in August was incredible, Greta Gerwig is the cutest person I've ever seen, Julie Delpy is supposed to be like the best ever, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus was amazing.  This is a travesty.

 

Nice headband

 

 

Best TV Series: Breaking Bad

Whatever.  Breaking Bad is good albeit totally overrated.  Also shoutout to Aaron Paul for winning too; he is the saving grace of this show.  Next year it'll be you, House of Cards!

 

 

 

Best Actor in a TV Series: Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad

Snore.  Kevin Spacey is robbed again!  Also I would like to mention I'm not some psycho Kevin Spacey fan. I don't even really like him with the exception of American Beauty.  Obviously.  But this show is amazing and he's incredible in it.

 

 

 

Best Actress in a Miniseries: Elizabeth Moss in Top of the Lake

I actually didn't like Elizabeth Moss in Mad Men (although she was in Girl, Interrupted which was bananas) probably because, like Breaking Bad, I feel that Mad Men is overrated.  Anyway I was reticent about this Top of The Lake business when my BFF told me about it, but I gave it a shot.  And let me just say IT.  IS.  AMAZING.  If you've not seen it, it's on Netflix and ready to be viewed.  Good job, Lizzie!

Footnote: Jessa Lange is my favorite living human so this was hard for me but Coven sucks so it wasn't that hard after all.

 

 

 

Best Miniseries: Behind the Candelabra

This is lame. See above for real winner.

 

 

 

Best Actress-TV/Miniseries/whatever: Jacqueline Bisset in Dancing on the Edge

I have no idea who this woman is but she beat Hayden Panettiere which is awesome and Sofia Vergara which is more awesome.  Congrats Jackie B!

 



 

 

Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Lawrence

This is killing me.  I really like JLaw.  I do.  But she's not this good.  She's just not.  She shouldn't have won an Oscar for SLP and she shouldn't win a Golden Globe for a mediocre movie she's in for like 10 minutes.  Especially after seeing Julia Roberts in August: Osage County, I cannot condone this.