What's New: Adam Levine Is Sexy?, Mr. and Mrs. Seth Cohen, Etc.

Basically the only exciting things happening lately are celebrities getting engaged and making wine and being sexy.  So let's dive in.

Adam Levine Is The Sexiest Man Alive- No he's not. Instead here are some suggestions: Matt Damon, David Beckham, Benedict Cumberbatch, Alexander Skarsgard, Prince Harry, Rupert Friend, Andrew Garfield, Eddie Redmayne, Matt Bomer, or basically any ginger.  Or Liam Neeson.  NEXT.

Leighton Meester and Adam Brody Are Engaged- Obviously I have mixed feelings because when I was a child The OC was my favorite TV show and then Adam Brody dated Rachel Bilson both on the show and real life and I thought everything was going to be good forever and it wasn't.  But this is cute.  Congrats!

Miley Cyrus' Eyebrows- What the hell, Miley? I try to defend you and then you go and bleach your eyebrows so you look like some baby animal I can't name off the top of my head.  Please stop.

Brangelina Rules the World- For reasons unknown Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie decided to build a 1200 acre vineyard at their Provence home and then they made a wine and then that wine became "The Best Rosé In the World".  Because that's who they are.

JLaw Loses It- Jennifer Lawrence freaked out while trying to deal with photographers on the Red Carpet of the Catching Fire premiere in NY.

What's New: Housewives, Seflies, Taylor Swift Makes Me Laugh, And More

So I've been incredibly ill with both flu and strep for like months now and that's why I haven't written anything and I'm the worst and I'm sorry.  But I'm pretty much back to being my normal happy, healthy, and chipper self.  So let's talk about what's happened since I've been gone.



Real Housewives of Beverly Hills- It's back. So is Vanderpump rules.  Which is basically the Jersey Shore but in LA and with hotter people.  RHOBH is amazing and I love it and it's my second favorite Housewives behind New York, which isn't even good anymore.  So maybe it is my favorite.  Plus Taylor Armstrong is gone which is good news and they have two new housewives, one I love and one I hate.  And that's basically all I could ever ask for.

Selfies- Tragically, the Oxford Dictionary has decided that this is the new word of 2013.  Twerking was a runner up, so it could be worse.  If you don't know what a selfie is, you're embarrassing.  Go away.

Taylor Swift- She says she doesn't write songs about every guy she dates.  Which means that she's either lying or a way bigger skank than I thought.  Either way I feel happy.  Read the article here.

The Notebook, Part 2- Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are allegedly back together.  This is amazing news for women 12-92 who have seen The Notebook and want this to be real life.  As an adult woman, I am obviously super on board for this because they are the two cutest people maybe ever.  

It's A Terrible Life- One of the greatest movies ever, "It's a Wonderful Life" is rumored to be getting a sequel.  This is the most depressed I've been since I found out Miley Cyrus wore this.

JLaw- Jennifer Lawrence has weird hair which is stupid but she looks hot which is badass.

Footnote:
A bunch of other stuff has happened but this is literally all I care about in life so let's just move on.

What's New: Kardashians, Miley, etc.

The Kris/Bruce Split: no surprise to any American who has ever seen an US Weekly while standing in line at the grocery store.  I think Kris is a terrible person, so good job Bruce. Hang in there, buddy.

Miley's Rolling Stone Cover: Everyone chill out.  The VMAs were the fault of Robin Thicke's perpetuating rape culture not her dancing around.  It's okay, everyone.  She's 20.  Have you ever been to a club and seen how 20 year olds dance?  If you didn't catch the article read it here.  She's a 20 year old kid.  Leave her alone.  And she's hot.

Breaking Bad Finale: Haven't watched the second half of the 5th season because I got too sad.  But I plan to resume and finish it any day now. Plus Aaron Paul is the cutest person everrrrr.

American Apparel:  American Apparel is in trouble. Again.  After much controversy over the CEO being a skeez, them allegedly being racist as well as discriminating by hiring and firing employees based on hotness, its constantly-banned ads, almost going bankrupt, etc, they're in trouble again.  Now for just $32 you can buy a t-shirt with a menstruating vagina on it.  So if that's not your thing I'm warning you now.  You can read an interview with the artist Petra Collins here if that interests you.

Obviously loads of other things happened but these are the most pressing.  You have the internet, look up your own news.