Top Priority: Oscars (Dress Success)

Now, because I've been pretty negative all day, let's talk about the good stuff.  The lovely dresses that made me smile and moved me to tears.


Jennifer Lawrence in Dior
Yeah, you look good.  Yeah, you're wearing the same dress you wear all the time.  Yeah, I'm over it.  Next.

Sandra Bullock in Alexander McQueen
Yep.  I love this.  She's so beautiful and this year she's kind of bummed me out with some of her choices but this is golden. 

Meryl Streep in Lanvin
You are a goddess.  Totally age appropriate but not boring.  Very chic as always.

Jennifer Garner in Oscar de la Renta
I don't care for her but she looks great.  The dress is kind of boring but I like it.  Very 1920s.

Julie Delpy by Jenny Packham
I just like her, you know? She just seems like a lovely person.  So I may not be evaluating this dress objectively but I like it.

Idina Menzel by Vera Wang
I love this.  It's simple yet elegant.  I like the color and the jewelry.  I know a lot of people are wearing basically this exact dress but there's something about this that's very understated and chic.  Love it.

Jessica Biel by Chanel
Another Oscars surprise was Jessica Biel's dress.  It's been so long since Jessica Biel has done anything that I'm pretty sure her first and last acting job was 7th Heaven, but she now works as Justin Timberlake's beard (which is probably a pretty good gig.)  But last night she surprised me and looked stunning.  It was probably the Chanel that did it.

Kristen Bell by Roberto Cavalli
Kristen Bell is so overrated in my book that it's almost too much for me to handle.  But this dress looks incredible.  Despite the fact that it looks like she's about to get married, she absolutely brought her A game.  Good job, Kristen Bell!

Penelope Cruz by Giambattista Valli Couture
Flawless.  Simple, chic, feminine, gorgeous.

And now, without further adieu, my top three favorite dresses from last night...

3. Kate Hudson in Versace
I never thought I would say this but Kate Hudson looks incredible.  As someone I not only find overrated and annoying but completely talentless, I want to hate her.  But she killed it.  Good job, Kate.

Charlize Theron in Dior
Not only is this one of the most gorgeous dresses at the Oscars, it's probably the sexiest.  And she's so talented.  And beautiful.  A+

Lupita Nyong'o in PradaIt wasn't long ago that no one had an idea who Lupita was.  Now no one will ever forget her.  Not only did she come out of nowhere and blow everyone away with her acting, she has mastered Red Carpet style in one season.  This is one of my favorite dresses of all time.  She looks absolutely gorgeous. 

Top Priority: Oscars (Fashion Fails)

Hey everybody, sorry I've been MIA for so long. I've been finishing applying to school, quitting my job, trying to get another job, et al.  But now I'm here and I want to talk about the Oscars.

First, let me say that I don't really care about the movies and what they won.  I haven't actually seen 12 Years A Slave but I trust it was great.  Also, congrats Matt and Jared, you guys are awesome.  Cate, you are my once and future hero.  Lupita, you are quickly becoming on of my favorite people.  Good job everybody. 

Okay let's talk dresses.

Anne Hathaway in Gucci
No.  If you're going to lose a bunch of weight, dress so it looks like you've lost a bunch of weight.  What's with the broken mirror look? No.

Cate Blanchett in Aarmani Privé
I love Cate so much but she's killing me this year.  Everyone loves this dress and I can't stand it.  And I love the nude look and everything but her skin is so fair that she would look better in something with more contrast.  Plus what's on it? Not into it.

Angelina Jolie in Elie Saab
I love Angelina.  Everyone does.  And normally she looks incredible.  And normally she wears black and it's kind of predictable but she's so hot no one says anything because she always looks good.  But this year she's mixing it up and wearing whatever this is.  Long sleeve with an elastic waistband? Is that what's happening here?  Hate it.

Amy Adams in Gucci
She looks okay but she bores me.  We get it, you like purple.  Try something new.

Emma Watson in Vera Wang
Dude you're young and hot.  This skirt and top combo (who does that?) is a SNOOZE.

Anna Kendrick in J. Mendel
Anna Kendrick poses an issue for me because I adore her.  I think she's so cute and an underrated actress, but she cannot dress to save her life.  It's ridiculous.  She is so horrible at putting clothes on her body and looking good.  Better luck next time.

Kristen Chenoweth in Roberto Cavalli
Who the hell in Kristen Chenoweth and why is she famous and why is she wearing this?  It's a little Cleopatra-esque which is cool but it looks like she matched her awful hair to her dress and that's not cute. 

Viola Davis by Escada
Nope.

Julia Roberts by Givenchy
I want to like it.  I do.  I love Julia Roberts (who doesn't?) and although I'm the only one, I loved August: Osage County.  I really, really wanted her to look good.  But I think it's the weird lace neckline and the fact that if you're going to do peplum, the bottom half of your dress has to complement it.

Kerry Washington by Jason Wu
I'm pretty upset with Kerry right now because I'm pretty sure she went into my room Saturday night and stole my sheet and wore it to the Oscars.

Naomi Watts in Calvin Klein
One thing I admire about Naomi Watts is that her dresses always match her personality.  They are both fantastically boring.  And sometimes she looks really good.  But after a while it's like, come on.  Congrats, Naomi Watts, on wearing the same dress you've worn for the last 10 years. 

Jada Pinkett-Smith by Versace
She looks like a man.  And I love that normally but like, it's the Oscars.  If you have broad manly shoulders, don't wear a dress that's going to show it off when you're trying to be cute and feminine with your baby pink dress.  And it's the f-cking Acadmy Awards, do your hair.  You've been famous for a long time, you know how this works. 

Top Priority: Golden Globes (Fashion Apathy)

So these are the dresses I don't really care about.  They're not horrible and they're not great, but they deserve to be included.
 
Sofia Vergara in Zac Posen
I don't really like her so I can't love this dress but it's okay.  Zac Posen, you always win my heart.

 
 
Julia Roberts in Dolce & Gabbana
Aside from the fact that she looks like a librarian, it's fine.  She's Julia Roberts, she can kind of do whatever she wants.

Jennifer Lawrence in Christian Dior Couture
Looking a bit like a snowman there JLaw, but I'll let it go because I love your new hair.

 
 
Allison Williams in Alexander McQueen
I love her and I love this dress, I just think she could have gone a little bolder than this.  That being said, this is the least offensive McQueen piece I've ever seen. Good job, Marnie!

 
Emma Thompson in Lanvin
She's old so there's not much she can do but this dress is age-appropriate and conservative.  It's not my favorite but she looks beautiful.

 
Mila Kunis in Gucci
I can't really get mad about this dress because it doesn't evoke enough of a reaction but she's absolutely gorgeous and she could have done a lot better.  Sorry, Gucci.

Reese Witherspoon in Calvin Klein
Most Boring award goes to Reese.  But look at that smile.  I can't stay mad at you Reese!  But seriously this is black tie.

Zosia Mamet in Reem Acra
Whatever.  Just whatever, Zosia.

Emma Watson in Dior
I actually feel bad for saying this is mediocre because I actually rather like it.  It's different, it's fresh, and she looks beautiful.  But it's not stunning and she could have chosen something stunning.

Julianna Margulies in Andrew Gn
I put this one in the middle because I love the top but not the bottom.  The pattern is beautiful and simple and she's gorgeous but the fit the bottom is too flared.

Elisabeth Moss in J. Mendel
Eh. I like her now so I can't be too mean but this is just not right for her.

Uma Thurman in Versace
Uma is a goddess so anything she does is okay, but again, the top is gorgeous and the bottom leaves a lot to be desired.  Plus I don't even know what it's made out of.

 

Olivia Wilde in Gucci
It's not Olivia Wilde's fault she's pregnant so I'll forgive her giant stomach.  She still looks gorgeous and I really so like this dress, I just don't like babies.  Sorry, Liv.

 Better luck at the Oscars, guys!