Top Priority: Golden Globes (Fashion Fails)

I don't really know how I want to do this so I'll just Joan Rivers myself and pick a bunch I hate and a bunch I like and a bunch I don't care about and you can agree with me.  And we'll do it in three segments so I don't get bored.

Let's start with the ugly.


 
Zoe Saldana in Prabal Gurung
This honestly looks like a child and a hot glue gun had fun together one afternoon.

Sandra Bullock in Prabal Gurung
Sandy, you are so beautiful why are you doing this to yourself? I hate pretty much everything about this dress.

 

 



Julie Bowen in Carolina Herrera
I don't like Julie Bowen and this isn't helping her case.  For whatever reason, red is all the rage right now but you can't much different shades of "red" together, use a velour belt and ruffled shoulders and pull this outfit together.  Sorry.

 

 

 

Greta Gerwig in Donna Karan Atelier
This is awful because I do think she is the cutest human alive and she could have done something so beautiful but the shape and the texture of this dress is just ruining my day.

 

 

 

Tina Fey in Carolina Herrera

This looks like a bunch of pink flamingos got drunk and jumped onto Liz Lemon's dress.

 

 

 

 

Drew Barrymore in Monique Lhullier

I know it's hard to dress well when you're pregnant and you basically have to look like a giant blob and it could have been a lot worse, but come on.  Give up on life after you have the baby.

 

 

 

 

Heidi Klum in Marchesa

Unless she's planning on being a bride in some weird gothic wedding she needs to lose the dress and the 1998 choker.  And put your hair up Heidi, it's the red carpet. 

 







Rashida Jones in Fausto Puglisi
This, on the other hand, looks like a wedding dress for one of those women who's like "I don't care about having a big wedding, let's just go to the beach and get married."  But you're not at the beach, are you Rashida? You're at the Golden Globes.

Kristin Chenoweth in Dana Brunetti
WUT.

Kaley Cuoco in Rani Zakhem Couture
This is a very lovely watercolor painting.  But it's not a dress.  And we can see your boobs.  And maybe invest in someone for hair/makeup because it looks like you straightened it in 20 minutes and threw on some green eyeshadow.

Zooey Deschanel in Oscar De La Renta
Very nice Mother-of-the-Bride dress.  But you're like 27 and you're not Jackie O.

Caitlin Fitzgerald in Emilia Wickstead
Sleeping Beauty called.  She wants her dress back.

Edie Falco in Lanvin
This looks like the world's worst Christmas wrapping.

Hayden Panettiere in Tom Ford
Hmmm. Clutch: Nope. Dress: Nope. Hair: Definitely not.  Also if you're not fat, which you're not, don't wear dresses that make you look like you have the arms of a sedentary 70 year old.
P.S. I love you Tom Ford.

Aubrey Plaza in Oscar De La Renta
You're breaking my heart, Aubrey.  But this isn't a child's princess-themed birthday party.  Put on some real clothes.

Kate Beckinsale in Zuhair Murad
Auditioning for A Knight's Tale 2: Kate Beckinsale.

You guys are killing me.  Come on.