Holiday Do's and Don'ts, Written by Colin Noble

Hello, freaks and geeks.

Sorry I have not posted in awhile, but I’m busy saving the world one crazy person at a time. So I’m actually not sorry. Anyway the holidays are upon us (yay!). Even if you are not religious, we can all believe in the power of eating and gift giving. The holidays are also a great excuse to throw a sophisticated soirée, and sophisticated soirées are a perfect occasion for a fashion moment. Here are some do's and don’ts when dressing for your holiday parties:

DO: Make an Effort

I love casual wear as much as the next twenty-something, but it’s nice to make an effort every so often to shake it up. Chunky sweaters, oxford shirts, or even a patterned tie will add a new element to your look. Think Chuck Bass any day of the week.

DON’T: Go Back to Black

We all like to rely on black when creating outfit. As a new yorker, my wardrobe is mostly black and/or leather. However, the holidays are a happy time (or so it has been explained to me). If you are scared of color, try mixing in colors that can still work as neutrals. Deep reds, olive greens and good ol’ navy are all perfect jumping off points.

DO: Have Fun/ DON’T: Be a Joke

There is nothing wrong with a reindeer sweater or a snowflake tie. In fact, they can be quite chic (i.e. Ralph Lauren). But there is a line here, and “ugly sweaters” are most definitely over the line. If it has been sitting in a box in your attic or if your mom wore it during the 80s, it is probably not appropriate.

DO: Layer

Anybody who knows me knows I love to layer. It is what sets the style icons apart from the Rihannas of the world. This season put a cable-knit cardigan over your collared shirt, or a blazer over your Saint James tee. Layering can be tricky, but you can only learn what works for you by trying. If you keep at it, soon enough you will look less like a Kardashian and more like an Olsen.

DON’T: Repeat Looks

You will most likely have your picture taken at these events, and there is nothing more embarrassing than being caught in same outfit on two different occasions. It is the worst kind of “Bitch Stole My Look”. So spare yourself the ridicule and mix it up.

I now set you free to enjoy the holiday season. Try not to get too drunk on eggnog and tell your family what you actually think of them. But I know you will.

Cheers Queers.

The Top Button, written by Colin Noble

Hello, token gays.
There’s a moment everyday when a man (or woman, if you’re Diane
Keaton) must decide whether or not to button the top button of his collared shirt. It’s a
small detail, but it makes a big difference. Unfortunately, there’s no easy answer here.
The buttoning or not buttoning depends on the occasion you are dressing for. Let’s
break it down.

Paul Newman: The Exception to Every Rule

Saturday Night:

If you go hard, as I’m sure you sluts do, the button will come undone at some point
anyway. Prepare for the inevitable and leave it unbuttoned. Drinking takes precedence
over fashion.


Sunday Brunch:

It is a scientific fact that this is the greatest meal of the week. But it is also an
opportunity to show your awesomeness by recovering from your coke bender(cross out
this) saturday night and showing up looking classy as shit. Button it up.


Dinner Date:

The best dates happen when you are relaxed and open. Your outfit should reflect this.
Leave it unbuttoned.


Class:

Some people don’t believe in looking good for class, and they are horrible. You must
dress well to facilitate maximum learning and also because you are bound to see a few
hot guys. So burn your tank tops and button your oxford all the way up.


Country Club Lunches:

You are over this because it usually involves some amount of family. Your outfit should
reflect that you would rather be anywhere else, but you will take the free meal. Unbutton it and slouch away.


Tandem Bike Rides:

This is an adorable activity couples often engage in, while the singletons look on with
jealousy. Embrace the envy around you, and increase your adorableness by buttoning
the top button on your denim shirt.


Fire Island Pool Party:

You’re a huge homo. Take off your shirt.


Obviously some people vary from the standard buttoned up and one button undone. But they are likely from New Jersey. And I choose to ignore them.

Cheers Queers.